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About Me Premium Member Deviant of Many Talents SeeTheMasterPlay21/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
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Dreams....

Dreams..........

Fantasies of the individual's mind,
pieces of mental literature. Poetic
dressings of the mind, creating
everything that you could ever want and
everything that you could ever need. So
sweet through all of everything can
these dreams be, and so much for them
do people strive, wishing for the truth
behind the mind's eye. From the
youngest of ages our dreams are
everything to us, they are what drive
us in our lives to aspire to new
heights. For nearly all people dreams
mean everything to them, and thus it
holds true in myself. Yet without these
pieces of our own fictionous design, we
cannot live, for without dreams, there
is nothign for anyone to aspire for.
Without those of which we aspire for,
there is no point in living, for life
can only exist through creation, and
creation stirs from our imagination.
Many whom read this would fight against
my words and tell that we can live
without dreams, but not without the
imagination, however everything that we
imagine, is in essence everything that
we dream. Meaning that everything we
imagine, is a dream of sorts, and can
only truly be seen this way for how
else would you describe other than the
word "goals"? The word "goals" means
that we have an idea of what we want,
and that we have an idea of how we want
to live, however in that case, all that
we have set as goals, are that which we
first dream, or create deep within
ourselves as our dreams to aspire.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Since I was a young little child, (yes
I know it sounds odd for someone of my
age to say), I've always had the same
dreams, and these dreams of course have
defined who I am, and who I will end my
life being. Those dreams that I've had
have been the same even to this day,
and I can honestly tell them to you
(you as in whomever is reading this,
yet more so for a certain individual,
for I wish for that one to know more
openly of myself). In the simplest form
my dreams have always been as such,
those dreams I hold close are to be a
father, to be married, to own a
restaurant or bakery, and to see the
people I care for succeed in what they
dream (of course I realize that these
are very common dreams as well, but it
doesn't deffer from the point of them
being what I dream).

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I admit that when I was younger,
children fascinated me, even when I was
four years of age, children my own age
and those still younger than I, amused
me and gave me great pleasure. I vowed
by the time that I was five and a half,
that one day I would be a parent. Now
at this age, I was still quite
sheltered, and had no idea that men and
women had different body parts below
the waste, for when in a public
setting, I obviously did not see that
women did not have the same as I
did, it was very rational to think that
we were the same. I had always thought
that someone who was a girl, was in
fact just different in voice than a boy
was. It was the only thing that I could
notice was different between the two
sexes. So being that as it was, I first
dreamed of being a mother. Well as you
could well imagine, I felt rather
foolish and stupid when I found out
that boys couldn't be mothers, and I
then switched tactics, if you will, and
promised that I would be a father one
day, that I would be a good father,
unlike my own. By the time I had
entirely made this vow, I was nearly
seven years of age, and had an exacted
knowledge for someone who would have
been thirteen.

Since then I have always kept this
dream close to me, in fact it is the
closest dream that I have ever felt. I
may not be the smartest for this next
bit, but seeing as how I am explaining,
honesty with this, is the best way, and
I know that I am going to be horribly
maimed for it, if not by selected
individuals, at least one specific
person will harm me.

I will never forget the first time that
this dream was brought so close to
being reality, it was in 2006. My
girlfriend at the time, whom I don't
mention, and in fact have not mentioned
to anyone, even when recapping upon my
past relationships, had of course
wanted to do certain acts which of
course I wasn't going to argue. And so
forth and so on, those events occurred
several times, and from those events
came what she viewed as the
consequences of her actions. As of May
3rd that year, she had become pregnant,
and had been along for a period of
time. I had become overjoyed, but she
had not, she was more angry and showed
it clearly. She took everything into
her own hands, and she left me, she did
not tell anyone, and she drowned
herself out, and harmed herself, so
that she may rid herself of what she
called a disaster............


With that, I drastically fell and could
not do anything of my own mind, and I
made a desicion that would prove not
wise. I hid the pain behind my eyes,
sheltered myself within the sounds of
music and writing, playwrights and
Samantha. She was a good friend of mine
whom had liked me more than had been
seen, and in my state of increasing
depression, I silently nodded when she
asked of me to be there with her. It
was something that I have regretted
since, for she should never have been
put through the essence of my life, she
saw more of my pain than I have ever
let on, and it did her no good. Thus an
era of pain ended with the beginnings
of another.


Last year was the second of times that
my dream was brought so close to me, I
had learned from she whom was my
closest in years, that she was
pregnant. Again, I fell into extreme
joy, and for the time, so did she. When
we found out we became much closer, as
should be expected. Though more
emotionally attached, the events behind
the ending of this were far too simple,
and are that of many other's paths as
well. At the time that I found of the
loss of my daughter, I was walking with
a good friend of mine and I couldn't
even tell her, because it was meant to
stay secret until the time it was to be
told. Even now at this point, it still
is not supposed to be told, yet through
others, it has been leaked out, so now
I have not an issue with coming forth
with this, however, names are not
included for this reason. After a few
months, again the possibility was
there, but I poured too much of myself
into the dream again.....and I payed
for it dearly with the breaking of my
heart. Through the words that she spoke
to me, and the leaving to another
place. I cannot truly remember the
times anymore, and have not been able
to for sometime...............

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Marriage, yes marriage has always been
a part of my dreams. Since the times
when I had started to watch more
television with my mother, and the
times when I began to read, for my
mother watched Soap Operas and read
romance novels, yes I actually read
romance novels when I was younger than
I am now. But even in children's books,
people always fell in love, lived
through a tragedy or horrible ordeal
and then got married and lived happily
ever after. It was one of the first
"faerie tales" that I "involved" myself
in. Of course as life goes, I always
bring this dream with me when I enter
into a relationship, and of course with
my first relationship I was extremely
foolish, I listened to every word she
said, took it all to heart, and payed
for it. As it turned out, she cheated
on me horribly, and I found out rather
quickly, which was rather unfortunate
for me. I asked her, and it went far
gone, leaving me with a rather large
amount of pain for the moment of the
incision, and a scar beneathe the skin
for the rest of my life.


Alas I was not meant for the agony for
all of my life, for in fact I was
picked up that same night as I had been
destroyed, to be reborn again, with new
hope, and she was beautiful. We were
together for three years, all moments
together, we had nearly none apart. The
longer things go though, the less of
detail there is to be shared, only in
the regard though that the end was far
too painful for anyone to have to bear,
even upon the worst of my enemies I
would never wish them to endure what I
did. In a simple way, I will only state
in this regard though, I despise the
police for what they did to me and how
they disrespected her, and never shall
they have my pity if anything happens
to them.


The next time that my dream of marriage
was so pronounced, was two years later,
the one for whom it was with, I
pronounced to her in the most childish
of ways.... "Tag, you're it!" and "Come
and get me....." . I will never forget
that look in her eyes when I asked her,
and again I doubt that I shall ever see
that look again, not anytime soon in my
lifetime. She cried in joy when I asked
her, and more so I laugh now for on
Halloween I asked her, a day that has
always been important to me, still now,
that day means alot to me. Though, even
after some time, she left me for
another person, it still made me feel
free.


Another moment as such has not come to
pass through unfortunately, I have felt
that it would be wonderful to be wed to
some people and even shared with them
the fact of this, but it did not go
well with some, and others it went too
far, so I have stayed my hand for the
moments to come in order to find the
next moment to share my dream of being
married. Maybe she will be the
one.......

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As for my dream of owning and running
my own restaurant or bakery, I'm close
to it. I have loved baking and cooking
since I was a wee little one, my mother
bought me an Easy-Bake Over when I was
6 and I used it along with a large
amount of chocolate to make her a
chocolate dessert, though I didn't know
at the time that baker's chocolate was
not sweet, so it turned out rather,
bitter. My mother wasn't happy with me,
because of the mess I made with it, but
I still loved it and had fun. Since
then I learned how to bake, made a few
bad ideas in there, such as Cinnamon
Teriyaki Beef, was a bad idea, didn't
come out bad, but I was the only one to
eat it. Mac & Cheese made without any
powdered cheese, and made with a bag
of mexican blended cheese, it also
turned out good, but was frowned upon,
and i baked the mac & cheese without
boiling the pasta first. After that
though, I haven't made any mistakes as
bad. I bake more frequently now, and
cook the same as well, my best baked
good is Red Velvet Cake, and my best
dish that I've made to date with Herb &
Spiced Chicken Strips with home made
mashed potatos, and baby corn with a
slice of oat nut bread(or two). I went
to school at the Lower Cape Cod
Regional Technical High School, in
Harwich MA. While there I studied in
the Culinary Arts, along side with two
horrible instructors and three grand
instructors. The two whom were not so
grand were Mr. Paul Smith, the bakery
instructor whom was a drunk (he
constantly came into the school drunk
and would smell profusely of it), and
Ms. Caroline Freitas, the theory and
waitstaff instructor (whom was
extraordinarily cruel and a dictator
ever since her fiance` left her and
went to Hawaii alone). The grand
instructors were Mr. Dominique
Baschand, the head kitchen instructor,
Mr. Ronald Mantley, the second kitchen
instructor, and then we had Jean, whom
was a wonderful elderly woman who
helped to teach the importance of
finishing tasks, by not completing them
and forgetting all sorts of things. In
that school, I learned alot, and moved
on to learn directly from my own books
from the Culinary Institute Of America.
I have worked in a meat department,
which was not in the best meat
department, but I have the expirience
now, as well as the stamina and
strength to work with heavy pieces of
food or meat. I have expierience in
many different fields in the Culinary
Arts. I plan to share my cooking and
baking with anyone whom will have me to
do so.

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My final dream, of wishing to see the
people I care about succeed in their
dreams, I'm doing it. I help everyone
else above myself, and I put my effort
into making them happy, because they
have dreams too! I thank the people I
are for because without them, I
wouldn't be able to fulfill any of my
dreams..........

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Dreams................

Without them, I am nothing more than an
empty vessel........

_+_+_+_+~+~+_+_+_+_

Journal Entry: Fri Sep 25, 2009, 9:36 AM


Normally I would not be one for this, however due to the heavy amounts of being screwed over by people on such things as bills, rent, and for a list of numerous other things that continues on and on, I am asking that anyone who can help me, even in the slightest amounts, please do as such by continuing onto my website and using the button in the sidebar. I am in desperate need of help, I have been forced into selling my belongings on eBay to try to curve the lack of finances, but to no true avail.

Violinist Productions



On the other hand, please do tell me what you think of the layout of my website, I think that it may need something more to it, or at least a different style of layout, though I cannot be certain.

My website was originally for project ideas that I had, and as such pieces of my site may still say as such.

  • Mood: Worried

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Comments


:iconkakashifan-lol:
I wrote u a short poem. :love:

"I can never stop pondering
You seem to keep me wondering
Now being my finding
I am truly minding
How you make me feel
It’s just all too real
I want you to hear
I love you dear."

--
Sleep in the reality of dreams
But awaken in the dreams of reality
:iconloving-music:
thanks for the fav :)

--
"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down."

"They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel."
:iconmali-s:
Thanks for the :+fav:!
:hug:

--
My blog
:iconsiezure-in-a-bag:
thnks for the fav and watch! :D

--
Some people are like slinkys; Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs:)

Me: "Axel baby, I'd be on you so fast you wouldn't have time to scream 'rape!'"
Axel: "........"
:iconhopefalls:
Thanks for the favorite!!!

--
"At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go back into the same box."
:iconreyo362:
MISS U LOTS!!!!

--
rawr~
---
check out my gallrie!! :3
---
im a ninja!! back off punk!!
---
im a lover not a fighter :3
---
i want to be cuddled!!
---
deviantart adoption!!!
the fisrt person to say they own you owns U!!!
im owned by~
LYES~
-
adopt me!! <3 =D
:iconkakashifan-lol:
:iconthanksplz:

--
Sleep in the reality of dreams
But awaken in the dreams of reality
:iconrokxtheshadowfox7:
:iconiloveitmoreplz: Hey! Thank you so much for the watch<3 I rly apreciate it :iconilvoeyouplz: ~~

--
S&S Taste the COMA BEATCH>8D!!!

:heart:PA x CTB :heart:

*WARNING: MASSIVE FIESTA ONLINE NERD*

Love my emo dogguieh ~tatylitle :heart: <:3

Icon made by =Wave330004 <3
:iconspazzydinosaursrawr:
Thanks for the :+fav: on my "Life: As Is" :D

--
私の心は、戦場では、どこに価値があるだけの愛のために戦うのは、:heart:
:iconthe-hairy-one:
Thank you for collecting my Fella.
:iconlightlybow:
Thanks for adding my fella pic to your collection!

--
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." ~Walt Disney
:iconalicevamp:
thank you for adding my fella to your favorites!

--
dare to breath out your inner life and bring forth your creativity, build worlds in what you portray.
:icongraceful-in-death:
Thanks a lot for the :+fav: :-)!!

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